Les Claypool.com |
The UnOfficial Les Claypool
Claypool's Primus Page
All About Les
For every great musician, there exists a segment in society
of lost, weak-willed, spiritless toad-lickers who will worship him as a god.
Les Claypool is no exception. Fortunately, unlike most other fans, the people who "worship"
Les seem to have a good sense of humor about it, and are able to realize how stupid
and uneventful their lives must be to worship a man whose two favorite hobbies are masturbation and
fishing. Still, Les Claypool could possibly have more pure talent and creativity than any other
person alive today, and any worship of him is justified. His stories are ten times greater than
anything you will find in any "religious" text, and the sounds emanating from his bass are way cooler than
the miracles of any religious prophet. For the past several years, Les's ability to tell somewhat moralistic and pacifistic
stories without ever mentioning God or Jesus, along with his unearthly bass playing abilities, have led to a suspicion that perhaps
some divine power was behind it all. With the release of his solo album, Highball With the Devil,
Les has confirmed what many of us have known for a long
time: he is God. Not just the God of Bass playing, Alternative
music, or even Rock in its entirety, but simply God. Les may talk about
"The Lord" or "hell" as if he isn't aware of this, but deep down inside,
he knows that he is the creator of all things good on earth. And so, we flock to this church to
worship Les the way others have worshipped Hendrix, Morrison, and Cobain.
The funny thing is, Les didn't even have to die to earn this honor!
Les's Graffiti Wall
View the wall.
The Holy Scriptures
"Do you realize how much more sense the world would make if it
were true? Then going to church really would suck! We even have
some evidence that proves Les is really God and Ler
is Jesus. The bass is just a modified harp, which is a biblical
instrument. Also, Les talks about fish and wine a lot and both were
involved in a few miracles in the bible. Maybe Les's music is just a modern
interpretation of the bible where God sets some stuff straight that got
fucked up in the original version. Ler is Jesus since he plays Doom and
kills lots of demons and stuff. Herb must have been Satan and was
kicked out of Heaven (Rancho Relaxo). Brain is a recently promoted
angel who now sitteth behind the drumkit at the right hand of Les. Or
maybe Brain is the holy spirit. "The Toys Go Winding Down" sounds
strangely like a doomsday prediction. If all this proves to be true,
then your pages would no longer be pointless, but instead could save countless
unbelievers. I bet if I smoked some weed I could figure it all out.
Here's one thing I just thought of: Only God could catch a 100
lb. sturgeon on 20 lb. test. The longer you think about it, the more
it makes sense."